Although every individual’s pacing will inevitably be unique to them and the particular relationship they’re in, here’s what research and experts say about how long it takes to fall in love on average. They also found 39% of men say “I love you” within a month of dating someone, compared to 23% of women. A 2011 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology surveying small groups of undergraduate students found similar results. On average: Some people wait much longer to say, “I love you,” whereas other people swear they’ve experienced love at first sight. “Like most things, it does depend on the person and the circumstances,” licensed couples’ therapist Lexx Brown -James, Ph.D., LMFT, tells mbg. Case in point: An 2018 survey of 1,000 British men and women found that while more than half of them take over three months to say, “I love you,” 32% of women and 29% of men say it in one to three months—and 10% of women and 14% of men say it in just one to four weeks. RELATED: The 8 Types Of Love + How To Know Which One You’re Feeling There’s some science that backs up the concept: Some research suggests people decide within seconds whether they’re romantically interested in someone, and neurologically speaking, it takes only one-fifth of a second for the neurochemical reaction associated with feelings of love to fire off. But other research discounts the theory. A 2017 study in the Personal Relationships journal orchestrated a bunch of first encounters between single strangers, and the researchers found feelings of instant attraction can indeed happen in a first encounter. Some people described these feelings as “love at first sight”—however, these people didn’t report feelings of intimacy, passion, and commitment as part of their experience. The main predictor of a “love at first sight” experience was finding the other person physically attractive. In other words, romantic love usually cannot happen at first sight, psychologist and sex therapist Lauren Fogel Mersy, PsyD, explains to mbg. “There can be a strong attraction at first sight, but romantic love for someone requires knowing who they are, the fullness of their character.” RELATED: What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know How long it takes to fall in love will vary depending on the individual and the relationship they’re in. There’s no real way to fast-forward the process and make someone fall in love, but there are plenty of ways to nurture a relationship so that those feelings can more easily manifest. RELATED: The 36 Questions To Fall In Love: The Research Behind The Viral Experiment With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
