Let’s break down some of the powerful physical signs that indicate someone reciprocates your attraction to them, plus how to build sexual tension with your partner and when to leave things be. Whether you prefer to call it energy or tension, Balestrieri says, “The sexual vibe is alive in the ether.” Plus, get this: This sexual attraction is alive to more than just you and the person reciprocating your desire—it’s palpable to the people around you, too. Notably, sexual tension is experienced between people, which is different from a one-sided attraction one person might feel toward another. Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness brand and retailer, describes sexual tension as “an energetic force between two or more people who have a sexual interest in each other.” If the person or people who excite you don’t seem to return your lust, Stewart doesn’t consider that to be sexual tension. In that case, “It’s simply a crush.” Additionally, Balestrieri says signs of attraction aren’t always just about sexual touch, language, or innuendo but rather are often exhibited through foundational flirtation. That means it can be as simple as feeling giddy or laughing more. “Flirting with someone and having your flirtations reciprocated can feel liberating and disinhibiting, and it can invite more humor or joie de vivre (buoyant enjoyment of life) in general.” Here’s one more sign of sexual tension Balestrieri provides: Your chemistry is on the down-low. “Even though most people around you can spot the sexual tension, it often feels like a private game and secret for two.” In fact, she says part of what makes sexual tension so hot is that, in the moment, “It’s generally something that’s unexpected or even a little taboo.” An amazing aphrodisiac for people who can eventually be together, sexual tension “can help build anticipatory arousal with the right amount of sexual frustration paired with excitement,” Balestrieri adds. You might even consider it an emotional edging technique, she says, “since the tease and delay can stimulate fantasy, longing, hope, curiosity, and/or adventure.” However, there are downsides to having palpable sexual chemistry with someone, particularly when the people feeling this energy know they can’t or shouldn’t act on it. “This leads to them being distracted by the sexual tension and even possible resentment if they’re in a current partnership,” Stewart says. Anything that might lead to violating a sexual boundary can hinder quality sexual tension, she adds. When the person you experience sexual tension with is an employee, a friend of a significant other, a family member, a minor, or anyone considered inappropriate, Balestrieri says sexual tension can be a negative influence on a person’s life. Another situation that presents unfavorable aspects of sexual tension is when it’s weaponized as a form of revenge against a current partner. “If your partner flirts with someone in front of you to evoke a reaction out of you—and it’s not part of your consensual kink—that could be an example of sexual tension run amok,” Balestrieri says. “Wherever exploitation, betrayal, or other negative consequences, like losing a job, may live as a consequence of sexual tension realized,” she says it’s likely to be quite destructive. When sexual tension occurs between people who can flirt and want to flirt, Balestrieri suggests the people who feel palpable sexual chemistry between each other “might imagine turning the heat into something more tangible, like a date, foreplay, or a sexual experience.” On the other hand, if the sexual tension “occurs in a context that makes it negatively consequential to play out,” Balestrieri says the best way to address the tension is to “Together, partners that understand sexual tension can use it to play and tease each other with generativity that keeps their sex life kindling,” explains Balestrieri, because “the art of the well-timed tease is not to be underestimated.” If the sexual tension gets so intense you just can’t wait, then don’t! “Sneak off to find a private place for a make-out session in public and invite a little taboo into the mix,” Balestrieri proposes. If you and your partner aren’t physically together to relieve the tension, mutual masturbation and virtual sex are always good options. Here are some other great lubricants, sex toys for couples, and sexy couples’ games. The key to respecting everyone involved, however, is transparency and communication. Plus, be aware of how sexual tension feels within your body to know how it may affect you, especially if you’re in a monogamous partnership. Before moving forward with someone who makes you feel horny or increases your libido, consider all the possibilities to avoid negatively affecting others or yourself. If you’ve got the green light to proceed, well…what are you still reading this for?
