For some, staying happily committed is a moving target. Some couples keep giving it a shot no matter how many times they miss the mark. But can breaks cause permanent damage to a romantic relationship? Does it weaken the bond that connects you by pressing the pause button, or is it possible to bounce back stronger than ever? This type of break does not normally lead to a breakup. Assuming there’s been no serious emotional damage inflicted by either partner, the couple can rest on their solid foundation and feel a level of confidence that the relationship will resume as soon as reconnection is possible. Couples in scenarios like this one experience a sense of security because their trust is usually intact before the break begins. In less ideal situations where partners find themselves at extreme odds with each other, taking a break can closely resemble an adult “timeout.” Hurt or frustrated partners retire to their respective corners in hopes of examining their behavior and resolving to make changes to the relationship or simply move on from it. It’s likely that emotional injuries may have occurred from betrayal, toxic communication, or inconsistent efforts. These offenses may prompt one partner to initiate the time apart regardless of the other partner’s wishes. It’s more likely that a break sparked by conflict will lead to a breakup if the conflicted couple doesn’t do the work needed to ensure they can come back to a better relationship. You may feel a strong connection and enjoy spending time together, but some differences pose as barriers and can cause you to question whether the relationship can go the distance. A few examples of these would be significant age gaps, mismatched earning potential, cleaning habits, views on boundaries, and readiness for marriage or children. Taking a break can provide the time and space needed to evaluate your true compatibility or ability to compromise. Becoming more financially stable, finishing a time-consuming work assignment or academic program, or doing individual work in therapy are also reasons you might take a break with the hopes of coming back to an even healthier, more satisfying relationship. Taking a break to examine whether the relationship is where you truly want to be prior to doing any further damage is a risk that may be worth taking. If you attempt to take a break during a phase when either of your emotional or sexual needs aren’t met, then it may be more difficult to curb distractions and focus on your current relationship goals. It may be tempting to try to ease out of the relationship by staging a break, but this can create an even more painful situation by preventing your partner from moving on to find a better fit or to simply heal more quickly. If you know that there is no hope for restoring the relationship after a break, then agreeing to take one may make you the bad guy after all. If you are encouraging a break as a way to soften the blow of an imminent breakup or to explore a relationship with someone else, consider being honest about where you stand. Your partner will appreciate you preventing them from wasting precious time under false hopes of reconnecting. If having too many outside influences is the problem, then taking time to step away to get in touch with your inner voice, wants, and needs can also be therapeutic and helpful in reaching your relationship goals. RELATED: 8 Ways To Save Your Relationship When It’s Falling Apart Cullins speaks to local, national, and international audiences about relationships, money matters, parenting, and the role of spirituality in achieving your personal goals, and she serves as a moderator/facilitator for community-based panel discussions sponsored by local nonprofit organizations. She previously worked as an adjunct professor and clinical supervisor at the University of Maryland at College Park, where she obtained her master’s degree in family studies, and she has intensive clinical training in working with trauma survivors. She uses empirically validated treatment modalities like cognitive-behavioral therapy and emotion-focused therapy with her clients.
