Here, we deep dive into what shadow work is all about, how to get started, and why it’s so important. When we’re young, we depend on our parents or main caregivers for survival. As a result, we become very attached to them and their way of doing things. So, say a caretaker scolds you for being outspoken, there’s a chance that you won’t feel safe speaking your mind from that point on, even as an adult. “Because what it means to you is, the person I need to love me to survive won’t love me if I do this thing,” Swart says. That message becomes internalized—buried within your subconscious—and can therefore become a trigger for you for seemingly no reason. In this example, if one of your shadows is around speaking your truth, it might bother you to see other people doing so. Every time somebody is outspoken around you, it might bring up unexplainable feelings of anger and resentment since you have been programmed to believe that speaking up is not a safe thing for you to do. “The concept of the shadow […] is generally a widely accepted perspective in analytical psychology,” he says, but it’s by no means the only perspective of the human psyche. Shadow work can also fall under the umbrella of self-reflection, self-examination, etc. Regardless of what you call it, “Most therapists are tapped with helping clients make the unconscious conscious, which is a fundamental tenet of shadow work,” Caraballo explains. “As a therapist, I subscribe to the belief that we all have a version of a shadow that, when integrated, can be well-accepted and help us better manage our own mental health and relationships.” RELATED STORY: What Are Shadow Emotions? How To Identify Yours It’s typically done with a “Socratic approach” of questioning and exploration. This entails asking objective questions that elicit critical thinking and a reexamination of old stories and beliefs we hold about ourselves. “The idea is that a more objective entity (such as a therapist) can help provide an interpretive mirror to the parts of ourselves we have a difficult time seeing and accepting,” Caraballo says. And while it is often work done with the help of a mental health professional, you can begin to explore your shadow solo too, by examining your thoughts, feelings, and assumptions. Below, you’ll find some prompts to help you do so. RELATED STORY: 45 Shadow Work Prompts For Healing & Growth, From Experts “If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do and you see a friend achieving that,” Swart gives as an example, “then that triggers shadows, because it’s like, why does that person have it and I don’t?” “A lot of people put off that work because they’re afraid of what they’ll find,” Swart says. “There’s so much shame associated with these factors […], but often if you’re mature enough or personally developed enough, doing shadow work can be a huge relief because you realize it’s not as bad as you think.” “I think it’s important for anyone doing shadow work to have things that help them feel grounded and accepted,” Caraballo notes. “A nonjudgmental therapist can go a long way to help with this, but we also need our own tools that help us reaffirm and accept ourselves as we face the more difficult feelings, and parts, of ourselves.” There are lots of ways to approach this, depending on your preferences, with Caraballo including grounding exercises, affirmations, and therapeutic journaling as a few options. So, a good place to start with shadow work would be to think of someone who bothers you, and reflect on what it is about that person that might also be within you, he says. To figure this out, he recommends asking yourself gentle questions such as: “Make a family tree of your two sets of grandparents, all of your aunts and uncles, and your parents because they’re the generations above you whose attributes—good and bad—might be in you,” she explains. This practice is all about getting honest enough to say, “I love my family, but one of my uncles drinks too much,” Swart gives as an example. The next step is to really look at all those qualities that exist within your family, and ask if any of those things are in you.
