Now, let’s be clear about who these women are. A 2015 survey found one in three women report watching porn weekly. Meanwhile, a 2014 CDC report found just 1.4 percent of women identify as lesbian, and a more recent Gallup report found about 5 percent of women identify as LGBT. So while actual lesbians likely account for at least some of lesbian porn’s popularity, these numbers do suggest there’s quite a lot of straight-identifying women who also enjoy watching women getting intimate with each other. Maybe some, sure. “Women do tend to be more fluid in their sexuality and allow themselves greater permission to explore their curiosities than men tend to,” Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy and female orgasm, tells mbg. Whereas our culture heavily punishes men for exploring sexualities outside the accepted heterosexual norms, women don’t quite get the same amount of social blowback for showing interest in other women. (Not to minimize the very real and targeted forms of discrimination, stigmatization, and injustices faced by lesbians, bisexual women, and queer women from both mainstream heteronormative culture and some parts of the LGBTQ community.) Simply put, it’s just a lot easier and more socially acceptable for women to wander outside the lines of straightness to see what else is out there. But while some studies have suggested that women are more likely than men to be sexually aroused by both men and women, that doesn’t necessarily mean those women would be interested in actually sexually engaging with other women. Fantasy and reality are different, after all, and not everything we’re physically aroused by is necessarily what mentally turns us on. So to put it simply: No, enjoying lesbian porn as a woman doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secretly lesbian, bisexual, or some other sexual identity involving attraction to women. “There are plenty of heterosexual women that enjoy watching lesbian porn,” Marin says. “If you do feel curious about exploring, then by all means, explore! But just liking lesbian porn doesn’t inherently make you lesbian or bi.” Indeed, porn categories involving men and women usually depict scenarios involving a lot of aggression, unequal power dynamics, and a very specific depiction of femininity that’s mostly designed to be good-looking to a straight guy. Moreover, these videos focus heavily on penetration, which research shows some four in five women can’t reach orgasm from by itself. But with lesbian porn, there’s a lot more diversity of sexual acts and relationships displayed. “There’s more depiction of activities that feel good for women, like oral sex, manual stimulation, kissing, and caressing. There’s less emphasis on intercourse, which tends to be the activity that brings women the least amount of pleasure,” Marin says. It’s really just that simple: In sex scenes involving only women, the women actually get off. Women are depicted being catered to, pleasured, and satisfied by partners who are their equals. So is it any surprise that plenty of women are hooked? If you’re looking for more erotica designed for women—no matter your sexual orientation—try out sex-positive outlets like Bellesa, MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, and Dipsea. (Those first two are not-safe-for-work links!) With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
